Grief is what you feel when you lose a loved one. Mourning is how you express those feelings. I read that in a book last year and it stuck with me. I leave it to you, the readers, to decide whether this piece qualifies as mourning.
Barbara Gatewood & I were married for almost 23 years. She passed away over a year ago. Her birthday was last week (on July 8th); she would have been 63. Losing her has left so many dangling threads where there used to be a shared life, woven together.
A few days ago, I decided to stop wearing my wedding ring and accept that I’m single now. Tonight, I moved the books and other materials on grieving and related matters from a low shelf (easier to reach, harder to see) to a high shelf (the reverse of both). Maybe I’ll finally read some of them soon.
Will I date again? Who knows? I enjoyed having a friend staying with me for most of this past year. Now that they are gone, I’m enjoying being alone with just me and my five cats. I’m working on moving on, but it is a daily effort to let go and embrace the situation.
I was lucky that Barbara and I found each other, as dating was never my strong suit. I need to move into a different place (mentally and, maybe, physically) before I even consider dating, as I do not want Barbara’s ghost to be between us.
No one has an easy path these days, whether single or married or somewhere in between.
Minister Is A Verb 
The thing is, you need to just take your time. It’s early days, and you never know what is just around the corner. Perhaps the cats have more wisdom to give you right now.
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It’s been over a year. For a married couple, the honeymoon “officially” lasts a month or a year, depending on who you ask. So, my “dark moon” with grief is “officially” over. I’m never going to be over my grief, as the loss of her will change the rest of my days. But I am dealing with things from a different point of view these days as the pain is not so raw as it once was.
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Thoughtful meditation on mourning and grief, Tim. Are there any books that you have found especially interesting or helpful about grief? I’d be interested in titles or other references, as I am in the very (very) early stages of researching grief for a writing project that keeps telling me it needs to be written. As always, the honesty and openness of your voice is both touching and refreshing.
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Donna, I assembled a pile of books and was given other booklets and other materials by the funeral home. Most of them just gathered dust on my shelves, as my grief was too raw to read about the topic. I did find _Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief_ by Martha Whitmore Hickman to be helpful. If others move me, I’ll mention them here in future articles.
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Thanks, Tim!
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You need to immerse more into concerns of communities around you, Tim, and, ideally, work on enhancing lives of others. It is as much for yourself as for others, as so doing literally takes you out of your grief and the cherished memories of your late partner. It is a salutary process that may also happily culminate in another kindred spirit crossing your path with a gradual willingness to join hands to become a companion in your onward journey.
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Thank you, friend Rajagopal. I will consider your advice.
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It must be very difficult, I hope you find some kind of solace in your own way. I like to think that there are people who still care and don’t try to carry the burden alone. 🌞
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Thanks, Charlie.
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(((Hugs))) Tim
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Thanks, Ritu. ❤
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